I’m at school right now, in the library. This comp…

I’m at school right now, in the library. This computer is intended for research and has an insanely noisy and shitty keyboard. But there is a seemingly cute boy sitting beside it, so I had to sit here, just to get a better look.

Points of interest:

-I have one hour to kill before class.
-I finally caved and decided to wear skinny jeans tucked into boots – to school. Just like every other girl here. And to tell you the truth, I look pretty damn cute 🙂
-I’m working on mapping out my school’s insanely huge library in terms of good places to chill. Currently I’m in the West basement computer lab. Brightly lit, very quiet, surrounded by books -no staff around. Not bad for a place to blog or chat on msn. But like I said… this keyboard blows.

Yesterday I sat in a study area on the second floor of the West building. I absolutely loved the huge oak tables and bright sunny lighting – and the huge window I sat beside with a nice view of campus and the river… but it was quite noisy and it smelled like curry… if you know what I’m saying. It’s like there are Asian areas, Arab areas, black areas… and mixed areas. I have yet to find the white area and, more importantly, the cute boy area. They seem to be dispersed throughout the whole building – often sitting with their girlfriends or with ugly boys. I did wink at a semi-hottie upstairs at the coffee shop about 5 minutes ago. He blushed, and giggled, hahahaha.

I am going to go back to the east building, and go see who’s chilling in the 4th floor area. I don’t think I’ve been there yet… not since my freshman year anyways.

This library is filled with people all the time – and most of them aren’t renting books out, that’s for sure. It’s a mecca of studying and socialization. The student center is pretty cool too but I always end up seeing people I know and getting absolutely nothing accomplished – and all of the smells from the cafeteria prompt me to spend 10$ on a pita and a diet coke – which I def. can’t afford if I want to keep up my cellphone, shopping and party habits.

Something kind of dramatic happened in class yesterday. Maybe I’ll blog about it later…

Or now since cute boy (who turned out to be pretty average but with killer style and cool piercings) just asked if I could watch his stuff for 10 minutes.

I was reading my textbook for psych2 and came to a part about eating disorders. Being a self proclaimed expert on the subject I thought that it would be a really interesting chapter to cover. I ended up in tears. I had no idea that it would trudge up so many painful memories. There were a lot of theories – many I’ve heard, some I hadn’t. Poor relationships with the mother, absent or over-protective parents, perfectionist and attention seeking personalities – three that stuck out in my mind that particularly upset me. What upset me the most was reading that most people who suffer from severe eating disorders (like, to the point of hospitalization) will always have the risk of relapse and will usually suffer from body image problems their entire lives. And it’s true. It’s really sad to think that I might not ever be happy with my body or think about food normally. Feb. 2nd will be 6 years since I was released from the hospital. I know that I could never relapse to the state that I was in then, but I still have some of the same thoughts that plagued me then and I have to be extremelly careful to keep things under control. Right now, I’m really healthy – I eat well, excersise, and never diet or starve myself or throw up intentionally – but reading that textbook got me so upset and made me realize that I really am exhibiting some disordered behaviour, mostly in my thinking again, and I was just saddened and shocked to realize that they were right. Dr. Short was right… Glenda was right… I’m not ‘safe’ – I will never be ‘recovered’ but only in remission. The sickness may lie dormant but it won’t go away. That’s a really scary thought… but at least I can control it now.

This computer lab is WAY too hot and I need to do some reading before class. I’ll probably delete the above part in a few hours.


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