Archive for July, 2006


July 31, 2006

DUDE. what is with summer birthdays? It seems like almost everyone I know is born in July and August… which means that people must really like to fuck in the fall.

Two of my friends and my boyfriend all have birthdays in two weeks. Literally, within days of eachother. I am going to have to hit up the mall one of these days for sure. I absolutely LOVE shopping for gifts. I don’t feel guilty about spending money and I still get to shop for cool things. I already know what I’m getting for Remus – but I don’t want to say it because I know he reads this and then the surprise would be ruined! Oh hell – I might as well spill the beans. I’m getting you this:

No… not really – but isn’t that cool? I just found it online and I want it. I love that scene. Does Marcellus Wallace look like a bitch? hahaha – No, but he screams like one when he gets fucked in the ass by Zed and the gimp! lol. I crack myself up. Poor Marcellus 😦

OH OH – big news! Guess who got a job at the one and only H the fuck &M?


I am psyched. I heard from miss kiki that it’s a lot of work… but I am psyched anyways. I like to be on the move – burns calories (since work is really my only excersice) and I’ll be damned if it isn’t worth the discount alone. I LOVE that store and when I found out it was coming to Windsor I was like “whaaa?” I can’t believe I actually got hired. Viva H&M!!!

My orientation is next thursday.

Guess who’s going to the zoo on Wednesday?!?!?! Again,


Remus is taking me. We are going to see pandas and polar bears and penguins and grizzlies and HIPPOS and RHINOS and MONKEYS and KANGAROOOSSS! 🙂

Anyways, Kari is going to be here any minute and we are going to get poutine and eat it. Adidap = All Day I Dream About Poutine…


July 30, 2006

can I get a HELLS YEAH?

Time to go masturbate.

Other random photos that I find blogworthy:

Ms. Ward

Random model (I just love this photo)

And this lovely disaster that was found floating around in the staff bathroom toilet Thursday night (and wouldn’t flush. ewww!!!) Thanks to Kari for taking this photo.

I don’t know who’s it is, but now it’s on the internet. Your poo is on the internet! wahahahaha.

Time to get ready for work.

Jay and Silent Bob strike back…

July 27, 2006

Is probably one of the funniest films in existence. I think I’ve seen it 10 times already this year alone. Jay makes it. He’s one of my favourite characters of all time.

The job search continues and the interviews are just rolling in. One today (for H&M, and two tommorow (bootlegger and nutrition house). And I had an interview at a fake hair kiosk yesterday, and one at Hooter’s the day before. God damn, I want to be a hooters girl so much it kills me. Those outfits are just so adorable!

The job I have now is tons of fun and all, but it’s not cutting it financially. Having a second job, one that I can work at during the day time (especially for this last month of summer, before school starts), will definitely help me out.

Wish me luxors!

and check out survivorcam. I thought that my challenge two entries were pretty good… for someone who actually has a life outside the internet.


July 27, 2006

Is real life ever as romantic as it is in the movies?

Is it possible to actually find someone PERFECT for you? I know people who would say yes. People like my parents, who are still madly in love after 22 years.

I want that. I want to have that, and when I do, I want to appreciate it and not just throw it away because of petty things like so many people seem to do nowadays.

I’m so lonely right now 😦 And I have lost my DuWop lip venom!!! my only true friend! wahhh. I wish they had Sephora in Windsor. I wish my boyfriend lived in Windsor too. Le sigh.

Boat, Gloat, and VOTE!

July 23, 2006

Hiii everyboddddy! (now you say – “Hiiii Dr. Lauren!”)

I’m glad you all liked my blog about the Simpson skanksters! 🙂

First item of business: Boat.

I told you that I went out on Remus’s brother’s boat last Saturday and that I would post some photos, so here they are:

As you can see, it was a pretty badass place. People and boats EVERYWHERE! I had a fucking blast. Got drunk. Danced around in my bikini like I tend to do… damn. I am such a little skank sometimes. I don’t know if it’s that I like the attention of lots of people staring at me, or I just don’t give a fuck. I can’t figure it out. I think I may just be a party girl by nature. I love to dance, have a good time, show off – it’s just how I roll. I think that everyone would have a better time if they stopped being so self concious and relaxed a little. But I’m rambling again…

Second item of business: Gloat.

Look at me, in a magazine!

I know it’s only Canada Social, and it’s not a very good picture, but it’s still cool to open up a book and see my face.
Thanks so much to everyone who voted and made this possible! Which brings me to my…

Third item of business: VOTE!

My friend Ashley is up for next month’s diva contest and it would mean a lot to me, and her, if you would help her out and vote!

Now, I must prepare my survivorcam entry.

Much love, homies.

Why I hate the Simpsons.

July 20, 2006

No, not these Simpsons:

I’d say it’s pretty much common knowledge that I was practically raised by them.

THESE Simpsons:

First off, I was over at this morning and happened to witness this atrocity:

I don’t even need to explain why this video pisses me off. More than anything, I hate the fact that I can’t look away from it. She may be fake, and stupid, and not very talented – but damn that Jessica Simpson is one hot piece of ass. She looks like she got her lips done again recently.

But why must she always do cover songs? ALWAYS? Daddy Joe can’t hire a song writer for her like he does for little sister Ashlee? Maybe Jessie didn’t put out enough as a youngin’. I can’t wait to see her fade away.

And Ashlee pisses me off because of her self righteous, hypocritical attitude.

“Everyone is made differently, and that’s what makes us beautiful and unique. I want girls to look in the mirror and feel confident.” — Ashlee Simpson in Marie Claire shortly before she surgically enhanced her nose, chin, and lip.

You can read US Weekly’s archives on the plastic surgery allegations here.


I am sure the Simpson girls are nice, and definitely don’t deserve this kind of harsh judgement, but fuck – I’m jealous! I wish that I could afford that kind of plastic surgery. Those clothes. That hair. I would look hella good… just like those damn Simpson sisters. So, in the spirit of ‘haters’ everywhere, I’m going to post a photo of Ashlee Simpson’s celulite.

HAHA ASHLEE SIMPSON! You may be rich, gorgeous and famous, but I have the last laugh. You shall henceforth be known in this blog as “Cellulor”. I’m sure a lot of people have it – hell, in the right lighting my legs probably look a lot worse than hers – but not everyone is stupid enough to wear a dress that short when their legs are obviously not mini ready. Booya, Ashlee Simpson. I wish I was you.

Other Stars who suck this week:

Skinny McSkeletor (Kate Bosworth):

Tara Reid (Cellulor deux):

Duff (I fucking hate her. hate hate hate. Just another skeletor with fake horse teeth):

I am NOT going to mention Hohan. While she may be a pasty coke-head, the girl can at least sort of act… unlike Miss Hilton:

But that’s another blog altogether.

I may despise a lot of young hollywood starlets, but I will always love X-tina:

That woman’s got a voice to move mountains. And a rack to match (even though it’s fake).

And +2 points to Amanda Bynes, who is adorable, hilarious, down to earth and probably more talented than the Simpsons, the Olsens and the Hiltons put together.

That is all for now.

technological woes and survivorcam!

July 18, 2006

My computer is on the fritz. I haven’t been on the internet for three whole days, and for someone who checks their email about 15 times a day (not even exaggerating), that’s like an eternity.

At last, I am back at home base (the parental units’ house) and can use a reliable computer. I brought ‘Barbie’ (that’s what I named my computer two years ago when I got her. Random trivia – my bike is also called “barbie”. My cell phone is “baby” and my car is “Sable – The green machine”) home for the weekend and my brother is going to work his magic on it. Hopefully he can get rid of this virus without having to reformat, because I really would miss all of my photos and documents.

UGHRHJHGJSHFJHJGHGHGHGHHG!!! JESUS EFFING CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK! My mother just walked in to bitch at me about my 128$ phone bill. As if… 128 dollars? She would have really freaked out over the 160 dollar bill last month. Shiiiiit… why is she looking at my phone bill anyways? THIS, my friends, is why I live in my university city for the summer. I just can’t stand being told what to do or feeling ‘controlled’ – although it’s almost worth being perpetually annoyed to have my laundry, dishes, chores, and cooking done for me. Oi. The perils of living between home and away… What’s more important? My freedom and peace of mind? Or Digital cable and the luxury of driving a car with air conditioning? Quite the paradox. Quite the paradox indeed…

But I digress. My computer will be up and running, if all goes well, when I return back home on Thursday and it will be in tip-top shape for *intense announcement music* – SURVIVORCAM V– the battle of the babes. Stay tuned… yours truly will be a contestant in said contest and I aim to be the winner. Of course, anyone could take it – all of the contestants are hot girls, and what does the average net surfer love more than hot girls? Nothing, I say! Well… maybe World of Warcraft in some cases, hahahaha. You know who you are 🙂

I had an intense weekend, filled with partying and working (which is like partying) and boating and drinking and getting sick from drinking, but then eating thai food and feeling better, and getting sunburned and being stabbed with a knife in my underwear (for a film) and sleeping and reading and sexing… it was just an all around great 4 days (yes – the weekend is four days long. Thurs – Sunday – and sometimes even Monday. My lifestyle is sweet.) I will blog a bit more about all the crazy events that transpired this weekend in a couple of days. I think you will all be quite entertained. Not only do I have photos, I might even have video clips! ohhhh snap.

Bed time.

P.S. – a lot of you expressed interest in the private blog. If you want the link, email me at and I’ll be more than happy to give it to you. Every person who’s asked me for it in the comments is cool with me – I just don’t have time to email you all. I really g2g to bed now, night night!

Lauren O’Nizzle is Carrie Bradshaw in training.

July 12, 2006

I have made a decision to start a private blog, just for me, so that I don’t spill all of these crazy mixed up feelings onto a public forum where everyone I know can read it if they choose. Select friends will have the link (mostly online friends – people that I don’t know in real life) and a few real life friends too (aka; Jacqueline and Acsley). I have a great name for it too, but I don’t want to post it… y’know. Google finds all.

Anyways, about those RIBS! I worked at festival epicure all weekend at the Woody’s Outhouse barbecued ribs booth. The ribs were soooo good – and I ate a lot of french fries as well. I ate a lot of food in general this weekend – I stopped by the Oishii booth and got some sushi… I had a lot of frozen yogurt, pizza, and some cool spring rolls and rice ball things. I worked at night as well, at the bar – so I was absolutely exhausted by Sunday evening – but being deliriously tired I decided that I wanted to go out and get a bit of a buzz on.

That ‘buzz’ turned into an INSANE drunk fest. Holy jeeeeez… Kari and I went to Dean Martini’s and drank about four martini’s (they were sooo good) and then as we were standing near the bar, Italian guys kept buying us shots of Sambuca (Side note – congrats to all the Italians who are acting as if the Italian soccer team’s win against France is a personal victory in their own lives. Hey, free shots for me! Viva Italia!) I was pretty smashed by the time I left Dean’s, and with a stop at Voodoo along the way (+ another shot and drink), when we got back to Woody’s (home base) I had a few more shots and was DONE. I remember bits and pieces of the night. Trying to dance, but stumbling around a lot – going outside with remus a few times to get some fresh air – fiddling with my stupid outfit a LOT – having sex in the staff bathroom (jk hahaha…) erm… oh – I passed out in the kitchen on the table where I count my shooters. I don’t remember going in there, but Remus said that Adam told him I was there… and he came and got me and drove my car home for me since I was (obviously) way too drunk to drive. Then I ate noodles with ketchup on them and passed out. I slept horribly that night – I always do when I’m drunk. When Remus and Ryan left on Monday morning I drove back to Chatham and here I am now.

I am heading back to Windsor tommorow afternoon for a photoshoot… but I want to stay here for longer. I’m enjoying every moment I spend with my baby. I love her so much… we’ve been napping together a lot. She cuddles up with me while I’m reading. Right now I’m taking down “animal farm” by George Orwell and “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Bronte. I’m trying to get some of the classics out of the way this summer.

I have been straying from my reading list a bit though… I reccomend reading Natasha by David Bezmozgis and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightime by Mark Haddon. I finished those last week.

Alright… Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda call!

I want to be Carrie when I grow up, by the way. Minus the chain smoking, of course. What an awesome career she has…

Ciao folks.

P.S. –

P.P.S. – this blog was so long and boring that I didn’t even read the whole thing. ha, ha!

I need to get laid.

Ribs, Fakers, and 15 year old me!

July 9, 2006

I will be returning everybody’s comments in the next few days – Especially you because you are the hotness. I’m really bad at doing the comment thing, I’m so sorry to you guys who it means something to. I do check out almost everyone’s site who comments on mine. I look around at layouts and pictures… I’ll read the blog sometimes… but I never really comment. I’m sort of a lurker.

Anyways, thanks for giving me your feedback on the pictures of whatshisface. He’s a hottie for shotty.

OH OH! My friend Aaron found someone on using my photos in their profile. Second faker I’ve found this week. I’m totally flattered that someone would want to use my pictures, but isn’t it still kind of laaaaaaammmme? like, come ON! I hope nobody uses my images to have da cybor sexink or anything like that. ew.

ANYWAYS I remembered that I had an FTJ profile from like, grade 10. So I tried to log in with my old username/password combo from that time era (I was such a dumb kid – using the same password for everything) and I found some old pics! I deleted most of them before I even thought to save them, but here is one of me when I was 15. It was grade 10 semi formal. It’s kind of blurry… but yeah. That’s me 5 years ago! skinny and so very very dorky looking with that big, goofy pre-braces smile. 😦 I miss it.

Now I am off to shower because I worked 14 hours yesterday and then woke up this morning and went straight into work again for noon without a shower and um… yeah. I feel grossssss.

I ate a lot of ribs this weekend, but I’ll tell you all about that in my next blog.


Just to clarify, OF COURSE I love Americans! So ma…

July 7, 2006

Just to clarify, OF COURSE I love Americans! So many of my friends (online and off) reside in the United States and my very own mother used to live there (in Texas)! I joke sometimes about how Americans are stupid or cocky or whatever, but it’s just razzing and I’m sorry to anyone I offended. Living in a border city, everyone is like that. It’s just a little bit of healthy competition I suppose…

But yeah. I never thought I’d date someone from Michigan. you guys wanted pics, here they are:

Anyways, I don’t want to get all gushy and gay so I’ll leave it at that. If you have any questions, comment and I’ll respond in the comments.